Turning Fat Into Cash Like Water Into Wine

Hey Cheapo! What's that in your cart? A 10 pound box of disgusting, 25% fat hamburger patties for $30? Why, yes. Yes, it is.

Actually, friends, this is what cash looks like before it gets processed through your body and into your bank account. You see, the wife is at Bunco tonight, so I'm on my own for dinner. And, damn if I didn't have a hankering for a Five Guys burger. Since I had the time, I decided to go to BJ's and make my own burgers instead.

One of my favorite slim fast food hacks, when I'm short on time and willing to dig into my wallet for more cash than the McDonalds dollar menu requires that is, is a Five Guys regular size burger (2 patties - 220 calories each). I ditch the bun for a lettuce wrap, hold the cheese (sorry) and the ketchup (you'll get used to it) but load it up with every other vegetable topping available. Instead of ketchup, I have them put on steak sauce and hot sauce. I don't order any fries or soda, and I'm out of there for about $7.50 after taxes.

Again, I just count the burger patties since the vegetables would be more hassle to calculate and itemize than they're worth. So, call it a 440 calorie meal, and you won't leave there hungry. (Just resist the free peanuts or at least take a handful for a snack later, if you want. Don't forget to count them in your budget.)

Let's take a look at the nutrition breakdown of those Five Guys patties:

And compare them to the Cedar Canyon patties:

Ok, so it appears Five Guys uses 18% fat burgers to Cedar Canyon's 25%. And, with Five Guy's burgers, I'm only taking a 440 calorie hit versus Cedar Canyon clocking in at 660 calories. That's a pretty substantial portion of my daily calorie budget, but fortunately, I had the room today.

On the other hand, with Cedar Canyon, I'm getting another 1.4 ounces of beef on my plate (94g = 3.3oz for the Five Guys patty), and with 40 patties in the box, I can eat this meal 20 times (!!) before I've spent the same $30 as 4 trips to Five Guys.

However, I did incur another expense on my way home...

So, it's 19 degrees outside, and I didn't feel like standing over my grill while these cooked. I haven't had one of these babies since college, and it was only $15 at Target (or two more trips to Five Guys). However, this thing should last me years.

But, what about all the vegetables, you ask? Well, if you've read my Intro and Mechanics threads, you'll know that I always keep vegetables on my weekly shopping list, so I had extras of those around anyway. I guess that does subtract some from Cedar Canyon's huge price advantage since Five Guys throws them in for free, but it doesn't change the cost equation all that much.

So, how did it all come out?

Not too bad, I'd say. The grill is smaller than I thought, so I had to cook everything in stages. In fact, I couldn't even squeeze 2 patties on there at once until they cooked down a little bit. The remaining burger grease kind of eliminates the need for olive oil, so I don't have to worry about adding in those calories (not that I usually ever cook with it anyway). I forgot to buy tomatoes, but fortunately I had some salsa as a sub.

Was it as good as a Five Guys lettuce wrap burger with all my fixin's? No, but it was a lot better than I thought, and I still have a substantial amount of cow left in my freezer.